So a friend of mine got engaged today, she was a friend of mine from like grade ten when we went to band camp and were roomies, I originally was friend with the other girl who we were rooming with and she had asked Ashlei if she wanted to room too. In the end Ashlei and I turned out to be better friends than the other girl and I, considering I dont even have the other girl on my friendslist and I still keep up with Ashlei’s life on facebook. But seeing that she had gotten engaged was kind of like “woah” we are now old enough to start getting engaged. I remember when we were in band camp eating candy corn and staying up late even though we had to be up early for rehearsal.
That got me thinking even more about my high school times. At least when I lived in Edmonton times. It feels so far away. It feels like another lifetime. it feels like it wasnt even me!
I dont talk to or even really remember who my friends were back then. I honestly had forgotten them until i started wondering who the fuck i hung out with back then. Is that normal to forget huge chunks of your life like that? Not that I forgot them entirely but they honestly havent come up in my memories for a very long time. Like i have been thinking about my childhood more than those years. I also vividly remember moving to Grande Prairie and my grade 12 year. Its just the years I went to Sturgeon that I cant seem to recall.
I remember my math teacher, I had the same one for all three years I went to that highschool, she hated pink, got violently ill when people smelled of cigarette smoke, and was a fiery red head who I was honestly a little afraid of.
Or my boyfriend in highschool, Dylan. I havent thought about Dylan in years. he was a big mistake. I never should have gone out with him. My friends were right (so was my mom), he wasn’t worth my time.
I remember the good times with Riley and Teal, those memories come back super easy and i think about those two a lot. But people like Alex, who was absolute poison to my life. kayla who I should never have given a second chance to. Becca, Hailie, Mark, people who were my friends just so i would have friends. And then i go even further back, where Kelly should have been punched in the face SO MANY GODDAMN TIMES. And I should have spent more time being a good friend to Caitlin. And I shouldnt have worried so much about what other people thought of me, and FUCK the bullies who picked on me in middle school because I didnt suck as bad as I thought I did, and jokes on you, you’re all pregnant, ugly or are sad.
I should have taken less pictures of myself, spent more time with my sister and brothers, put less stock in what guys thought of me, worried less about how I looked and spent a lot more time with my family. Holy god I wish I could get time back with my family. I really should have listened to my mom a lot more.
Hindsight is always 20/20. I just worry sometimes that I’m not on the right path, that I’m wasting my life somehow. And I hope I dont forget these years like I seem to have forgotten high school.