So i was laying in bed, half asleep, thinking (more like worrying) about my future. I know that it seems stupid to write a blog at two o’clock in the morning when you have to work in seven hours. But I just got this overwhelming need to talk to someone about this. And I couldnt think of anyone to talk to who would be awake or be able to tell me what I wanted to hear. So I was silently moping when I thought of my blog and I got up and started typing.
Im scared of my future. Mainly the future I dont know about. I have a plan I want the plan to work, but what if it dosnt? What if my plan sucks? What if the people involved all of a sudden decide they hate me and BAM my plan has backfired? There are a million “what ifs” running through my mind at 1:51am. Mostly Im thinking about how I wont live at home anymore. How I wont have that familiar-ness. How I know where everything belongs *including myself* and where everything fits and how it should look and how it should feel. Im scared I’m going to miss that. Im scared I’m going to miss my family. Im scared Im not going to be able to handle being out on my own. Im taking a huge step. I have two to four months to take a huge step. Im only 19 almost 20. I know that most people were out on their own by this time in their lives. But I dont know how Im going to do it. I know I want to. I know it has to happen eventually. I just dont know how. I dont even know if this makes sense. This is me half asleep rambeling to no one in particular in a blog at 2am.
Im not sure if I’m expecting answers. I just feel really lost and scared and I wanted to tell someone about that. This was the closest thing I could come to.